Ice age 3D

Last Tuesday we decided to take the kids out to see Ice Age 3 in 3D at SilverCity Yonge and Eglinton. Its been at least 5 years since we ALL went out to the movies. It gets expensive plus the family is nuts and we try to minimize the amount of time that we are seen in public.

Dont get me wrong, I love them all, I would just rather not have anyone associate me with them in a public forum. However, Tuesday I threw caution to the wind and took them all out.

The trip starts off with us taking the subway at Bathurst. I use two adult tickets and 3 kids tickets. I distract the driver by asking some inane question while the teen goes through and i slip the childs ticket in the box for her. Yes i saved myself 50cents. You'll understand why that matters later on towards the end of this blog.

Its expensive enough as it is and i had left over kids tickets. It still cost us about 8 bucks to get there and 8 bucks to get back. Should have bought the day pass but i wasnt thinking. I was too busy being concerned with being seen out with these people.

As per usual, the boy was panicked on the subway. It starts on the elevator down to the 2nd platform. "Dad, hurry up the doors gonna close" "Dad dont touch anything youll get sick" Dad it smells like pee in here." "Dad stop jumping up and down the elevators gonna fall" then on the platform "Dad!! Stand against the wall the train's coming, its coming" "Dad, its coming fast and you might fall in" "Mom, make him stand against the wall

Of course rather than comply i decided to teeter on the edge of the platform just to see how white and contorted his face can get. Messing with ADD can be fun.

"Rick you're freaking him out, Rick you're gonna get hurt, Rick stand against the wall, Rick Rick Rick" Yes it was the wife.

After 18 years Ive learned to tune in and out and in again but i complied because people were staring and she was getting louder. Did i forget to mention shes Italian. They can get loud. Although to them, they're just talking, "what loud" Im the one thats crazy, noones being loud. Veins popping out the side of her neck, but what loud, shes whispering!!

Meanwhile the two girls (Katie the teen and Emily the toddler) are enjoying watching the torment that Im putting the boy through and are equally trying to disassociate themselves.

The subway arrives and everyone shuffles in. Of course im slowly taking my time to shuffle aross that yellow line while the chimes are playing and the boy's anxiety kicks in again.

"Dad, the doors are gonna close. Dad watch the gap. Dad hurry up your going to slow." Then the wife "Rick, hurry up, Rick the doors gonna close."

I hurry, people are looking, i try to act cool, as cool as i can get wearing bermuda shorts, open toed sandles and a shirt opened down to my navel.

The ride continues with the boy playing musical seats and Emily, following him in tow.

Kaity, is sitting there acting all nonchalant with her headphones on while mom is chasing the other two with a purell bottle.

"Dont touch anything, watch where you put your hands, dont lick your fingers, ooooh you touched your face didnt you!!!!"

Did i mention she can get loud and i can swear she must have been Jewish in another life. I've had Jewish friends and you can't tell a Jewish mother from an Italian mother, they all sound the same after a while but with less of a nasal sound.

The trip lasts about 20 minutes from Bathurst to Yonge and Eglinton

We get off and I realized its been quite a while since Id been at Eglinton so we wander, lost although i wouldnt admit it, for about 5 minutes before getting our bearings and figuring out how to get the heck out of there.

And NO i didnt ask anyone for directions because im a guy and its my job to figure things out without asking for help. Usually the wife would be the one caving and asking for help but she was too pre-occupied keeping the kids under control and close at hand while watching out for the 100s of muggers and pedophiles that she seems to think are lurking about wherever we go.

We finally go up a winding set of stairs and come to BMO where the wife used to work, its definately changed over 10 years. The tellers wickets have been replaced with abms and the place was made up quite nice.

We walked out the large glass doors which are very hard to open and out into the cool evening air with a drizzle.

"Hey Dad theres toys r us, can we go to Toys R us" the boy asked me while annoyingly poking at my arm.

"No we're here to see a movie not spend money on crap thats gonna end up on the hallway floor"

"No it wont i need a poke something or other or bakugan....." he asked but i couldnt make out what and to be honest, i was too busy trying to make sense of the traffic of cars and people that seemed to mesh together.

Even the little one started in on me " can we get a barbie, i need one with the dog and I need one with the little pony..." i need i need i need ...."NO only a movie" I said.

Again i've learned to zone out and they become background noise like static. I figure as long as i can still hear them yammering in the background then they are still there and alive.

We make it to the theatre and its pretty much empty for a tuesday. We figured it would be cheaper on a tuesday. The wife had bought some movie coupons through work for 9 bucks for me and her and we were only going to pay for the kids. I figured it would be half price or something for the tuesday. When we got to the wicket, the cashier greeted us with a "hiyee"

I started to open my mouth when the boy pipes up " hey dad, can we get popcorn", then the teen " i want nachos, can i get nachos" then the wife, "dont forget the coupons, i got the coupons, whats the point of getting them if youre not gonna use the coupons, I dont think we can use them though for 3d movies"

"Shaddup geez give me a minute." uh oh, wifes mad now, kids are embarrassed..

I turn to the cashier " I got 3 kids 2 adults. Although if you asked my wife she would say she has 4 kids" I wait for the cashier to smile or at least LOL which I understand is the current proper term used by todays teens to signify humour....but nothing. She just stares at me blankly..."One look at the wife tells me whats going on in her mind. "Hes flirting again".....

"Does she count as a kid?" I asked pointing at Katie. "Shes 13. Is that an adult."

She keys her in as a kid and before she can tell me the full cost, my wife shoves the coupons in my face.

" Oh i forgot i got these passes"

"Soree" the cashier says with a smile. Quick tip for anyone reading this who is in the customer service industry. If you are about to give some disappointing or bad news , DONT say SOREE and especially not with a smile. You can do the Im sorry with a somber solumn tone to your voice but dont say it with that high lilt and a smile and i definately dont need to see a sparkle in your eye.

"Soree, because its a 3d movie (insert high inflection in voice) we need to charge you 3.00 more per pass. Is that okayee(high inflection)"

No its not okay, i thought but i smiled back and said, "thats fine"...then i heard the wife murmring in the background softly but loudly enough for anyone within 10 feet to hear (did i mention shes italian and they can be loud)
"Whats the point of getting coupons...murmur murmur....its supposed to save money murmur murmur....wasted my time picking them up...murmur murmur ..could have come home earlier this morning instead of wasting my time."

I smiled at the cashier and then i realized why it was that I hadnt been to the movies in years.

The sticker price on the register read $56.00. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! $56 bucks to see a fricken cartoon thats available online.

"You're shitting me" i said.

"Wha.."she said, "um yeah thats the price because its in 3eee deee....its a bit more."

"Wow...sorry"...i turned to the kids who quickly realized what was going on and I said " Okay noones peeing during the movie, we are gonna watch every second of it...i swear to god, first one to complain and needs to pee's gonna get it."

I handed her my debit card and felt very dispondent as i keyed in my pin. Secretly I was hoping that it wouldnt go through, that the card had gotten demagnetized or at the very least skimmed by some fraudsters. Any reason that was out of my control to be able to say, sorry kids. But it went through.....stupid bank and their technological efficiancy and their security of my holdings.

She handed the tickets over and I stepped to the side and just stared at the number on the receipt.

"Is it expensive dad" Kaity (the teen who has no understanding of how money works other than dad opens his wallet and its somehow just there) asks.

I dont answer, i just stare at her while going up the entire length of the escalator. Shes noticeably uncomfortable.

There is a giant U.S.S. enterprise at the top and left over christmas lights hanging from the ceiling simulating our universe. Then the sounds of video games, the claw machine and other crap that the boy immediately ran too.

"Hey dad, do you got a loonie" he said. Then he realized his error as the look on my face pretty much said oh god he better run and run fast.....

"GO PEE....NOW" I grumbled sternly. " I dont need to hear, but i dont wanna pee, im fine i dont have to pee"

We split up, girls in one room, boys in the other and we peed. Boy did we ever pee. In fact i went so much that my bladder started to cave in.

We left the bathroom and met up in front of the concession stand.

There were a mishmash of people standing around trying to figure out what to buy and chatting. Popcorn popping, games chiming away, squaking blondes in the corner...just cacaphony.

"Okay" i said, "Im going to buy popcorn and one drink for each of you and I dont want to hear complaining"

"But dad, i want the ice age bucket" emily said. "Can i have nachos and a Barks root bear" was Katies request. Then the boy decided to test my patience "how about that loonie dad, can i play a game."

"NO! I said popcorn and a drink, no nachos, no special buckets and dont make me hide my foot in places by mentioning that loonie game again."

The wife and i stared at the display and for the life of me, i could not figure out what the hell the the prices were for all the specials and combos. They all seemed to claim to save me money but i couldnt figure out what we were getting.

The regular combo seemed to be the best. Two regular popcorns, two drinks and a choice of one of 4 candies. But no price....i was saving $1.50 apparently but no actual price indicated as to what i would pay.

"Can i have a large......." I didnt even give the boy time to finish his sentence before i reminded him that my shoe was a size large...11 infact.

"Can you figure it out Clair" I asked my wife who looked just as confused as i did.

"No" she said, "I dont undestand what the fricken prices are"

We decided to line up and ask the popcorn kid when it was our turn. Of course, we end up linning up behind the slowest, most undecisive, annoying individuals that we could find at that time of night. It took them about 5 minutes to figure out what they wanted and another 5 minutes to figure out how to pay for their order.

When it was our turn, I asked the clerk " how much are individual regular popcorn and drinks?" I was trying to figure out if it truly was a deal even though i still couldnt figure out what the combo price was.

He just stared at me, a blank stare, a butter infused blank stare....."okay just give me a kids iceage bucket combo and two regular combos, that will save me $1.50 each according to your sign right"

"Right" he responded. As he keyed it in , i continued to try to make heads or tails of how much the combo would be while the teen and the boy argued over which candy they would get for free. Honestly, they can be such tards sometimes. They were each going to get 1 candy item and were both arguing over what they should get with themselves. One chose Whoppers while the other chose those gummie berrie things.

"Okay that will be $24.99" The clerk says.

"Wow" i said to him unintentionally being loud while quickly doing fast math and realizing that for the 10 items we were getting it was about 2.50 each item.

"I guess thats not so bad for 4 regular popcorns 4 regular pops and 2 candies and the kids meal ice age bucket"

"Oh sorry, you want 2 combos" he says.

" Yeah why" I asked confused

"I only keyed in 1 combo" he says while furiously tapping away at the cash. Then when he was finished i couldnt believe what i was seeing.

"Thats $58.50" he says almost like this was normal.

I almost dropped a load right there. I couldnt believe it. First it cost me $8.00 to get there by subway, it will cost another $8.00 to get back, then $56.00 for the tickets themselves and now are you shitting me another $58.50 for jiffy pop and coke!!!! some more fast math thats $130.50 for a kids movie.

" Are you serious" i asked him. Then he gets a bit nervous which i was glad to see for a change and a far cry from the Soree girl who sold me the tickets. He checks the register and says:

"Um, yeah thats for 4 regular popcorns and pop and the kids combo and two candies"

"Holy crap" it just came out of me. I turned to the poor guy and my kids and just blurted.

"You see, this is why i steal movies!!!!!. " " Daddy, dont do it my @ss" " Are you kidding me. 'whos robbing from who."

I could hear murmurs in the crowd. Some were murmurs of dismay, others of shock and others of agreement.

I could sense an uneasiness in the air. There was that question that i could hear lingering in the kids minds. Hes not gonna do it, hes not gonna buy the popcorn, Hes not gonna get me my barks root beer, NO Ice age bucket, I want my whoppers! What about that loonie!

"Wow" i kept saying while shaking my head as as i handed him the hard earned cash.

"I know what you mean sir" the cashier said " i do it too!!!"

"Wow" is all i could keep saying.

"We love you daddy", Emily said trying to apease me and make me feel better about having spent probably 2 days worth of wages on a crappy movie that i have waiting to watch.....are you kidding me.

Then to add insult to injury, they give Emily a Disney's UP bucket instead of Ice Age3.

"Dont you have the Ice Age 3 buckets" I asked

"Um no we ran out, they were popular...SOREE......"

"Guess i dont get a discount for the UP bucket i suppose" I said not expecting a response. Afterall, I just paid regular price for a replacement bucket and all i got was a lousy SOREE.

As we walked down the poster laden path to theatre 8 I kept thinking about how expensive this night had been all the while thinking, these brats get everything at home but their good kids and what the hell its only money i suppose. Besides its Emily's first movie...

The boy held my hand

" Hey dad, can we go watch Harry Potter next week too...im really disappointed that you havent taken me to see a Harry Potter mov......" ...whump!! He didnt even get to finish the sentence....shoe was gone......im pretty fast!!!!!

Thats Life!